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December 9, 2011
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Rosa
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:star:NEWS:star:
Ah! Christmas songs... who can complain about the melodious sounds of the season?

Well I sure can, because I need to address some of these "Christmas" tunes the radios always play.

Oh, don't get me wrong... I love Christmas music as much as the next person, but certain songs just don't have any of the spirit that the classic staples of the season have. Some aren't even "Christmas" songs at all. Some are just pure trite, and some just need to die. So, I decided to compile a list of my Top 10 Least Favorite Christmas Songs!

Before I begin, please note that these are all opinion based. I'm not dissing any songs here to piss anyone off. I'm just saying my opinion.

Anyhoo, let's begin...

#10 - "My Favorite Things"

Now, before you scream at me, I will make it known that I love "Sound of Music." It's a wonderful story and it has beautiful music and songs. So, why did I add this one to the list?

Because it ISN'T A CHRISTMAS SONG!!

No really... did any of you see the show or watch the movie? The scene wherein this "classic Christmas tune" takes place isn't even set in winter. The basic scene is simply this: kids get scared of a spring storm, so lady comes in and reminds them of happy Austrian things. End scene.

"But P-R," you say, "they mention snow, mittens and brown packages. It's totally a Christmas song."

No, it still isn't. Sure, it mentions snow and all... but those packages they mention aren't necessarily Christmas presents. They could just be parcels they get in the mail. Plus, it mentions a lot of stuff other than snow... dogs biting, bees stinging, raindrops on roses, etc.. Yeah, I see tons of dewdrops on roses during Christmas... :roll:

No matter how much they play it, it will never be a Christmas tune. It's just a song.

To remedy this, please enjoy "Winter Wonderland." Because at least that one clearly takes place during wintertime. www.youtube.com/watch?v=crXJ81…

#9 - "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Now, I understand when this song was first written back in the 30's, the tone was much more innocent than our perverted minds tend to comprehend... but the song still has a creepy vibe to it.

It's essentially about a wolf and a mouse scenario and how the mouse needs to escape the dangerous wolf. And the fact that they usually have a male as the wolf and a female as the mouse sets off a very creepy rape-ish vibe to it, particularly on the verse where the mouse is asking "what's in this drink."

Roofies? Do I really wanna know what he laced her drink with?

But all the rape undertones aside, the reason I added it is because it ISN'T EVEN A FRIGGIN' CHRISTMAS SONG!!

Oh sure, much like the above mentioned song, it's been turned into a Christmas song because of the whole "cold outside" thing, but the reality is it has nothing to do with Christmas.

Also Glee covered it... there's no saving it anymore. www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgdLdl…

To remedy this, please enjoy the warm and happy tones of "The Christmas Song." www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTOyX1…

#8 - "Santa Baby"

Speaking of creepy songs, I must address "Santa Baby." Whereas "Baby, It's Cold Outside" had subtle creepy undertones and mildly implied sexual escapades, "Santa Baby" has very unsubtle creepy undertones and much heavier sexual implications...

The song is pretty much about some gold-digging gal who is willing to put herself out for Santa in order to get what she wants.

Eww?

The worst part is when she mentions that she wants Santa to "trim her tree..."

No honey! Don't let him trim your tree! Your tree will never be the same again if he does...

I mean, good grief! She's willing to have Santa sex for presents? Why would anyone even do that? That's essentially prostitution... that isn't a good Christmas message!

Now, Eartha Kitt's version is the best one of the bunch, but it's just a really creepy song when you actually listen to the lyrics. And that's why I just can't get behind it...

To remedy this, please enjoy "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." At least in that song, 'Santa' is merely the kid's dad dressed up in a costume, and not an old fart possibly getting his mack on with Eartha Kitt. www.youtube.com/watch?v=PITCmn…

#7 - "Last Christmas"

Why do people think relationship drama would make a good Christmas song? From "Blue Christmas" to "Last Christmas", relationship drama somehow creeps its way into the joyful season. But where "Blue Christmas" was at least halfway decent, "Last Christmas" is just cheesy fodder.

This song is just about George Michael getting his poor widdle heart broken at Christmas... d'aww! Boo-fuckin'-hoo! Grow a pair you pussy! Relationships fail all the time...

Y'know? Even though my ex and I broke up at Christmastime some years back, I didn't let the drama ruin my time, and I still had a happy Christmas. And I was a young teen! It's pretty sad when an immature girl can handle a breakup better than a grown man can...

Then again, this song was made by the guy who sung "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go", so maybe I'm just giving him too much credit...

Maybe Georgie should put himself out for Santa too... who knows? It seemed to work so well for Eartha...

However, even though it's an emo and crappy song, the worst offense against it is that Glee covered it... www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXfPJt…

Oh Lord... it's unclean! Kill it! Kill it with fire!

To remedy this, please enjoy "All I Want For Christmas Is You." Because, even though that's a 'relationship Christmas song', it's not crappy. www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5bo4V…

#6 - "Fairytale of New York - Irish Christmas"

As a part Irish person who spent most every Christmas in New York, this song just pisses me off. It's offensive, it completely misses the point of the season and it's disgustingly stereotypical.

Oh sure... it starts out innocently enough, but then comes this bit...

"You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last"

We-hell! Ay'm Irish an' it be Christmas tu-tu-tuh... so ay'd behst be drankin'. Har's tuh y'faggots!

Yeah... you fail at Christmas guys... you fail hard...

Fortunately, this one doesn't get played much due to its lyrics... and thank God for that. Because if I had to hear that song every year alongside the classics like "Frosty The Snowman" and "Sleigh Ride", I might go on a killing spree.

To remedy this, please enjoy a much more wholesome tune with "The Irish Carol." www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBldGT…

#5 - "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas"

When you were a kid, what did you usually ask Santa for? Toys? Maybe a puppy or kitty? Yeah, most of us just wanted toys or pets... but not Gayla Peevey.

She just wants a killer animal for Christmas...

You know? For kids!

I mean, okay... I could get wanting a pony for Christmas, but why a hippo? Did she just want to fuck with Santa? I mean, could you imagine that giant Sherman tank weighing down Saint Nick's sleigh?

But all jokes aside, the song just sucks toast. It's monotonous, it's annoying, it's overplayed... it's just awful. And it needs to just die like the dated crap that it is...

I also find it weird that partway through, she purposefully messes up saying "hippopotamuses." Why? She could clearly say it every other time, so why'd she suddenly pronounce it wrong? At least get your shit together kid...

Maybe some wolf slipped something in her drink too...

To remedy this crap, please enjoy "Frosty The Snowman." www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Pu-bV…

#4 - "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"

Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this, but this song is really depressing...

It's about a small mouse who's lost his two front teeth and vainly wants them back for Christmas... no doubt because he's getting bullied by all his peers for lisping.

Such a happy song for this joyous season indeed! :sarcasm:

I mean, good grief! I wouldn't be surprised if the mouse wasn't suicidal... he sounds like he just wants to die all through the song.

What a message for the kids! If you're different, you should feel ashamed and wish you were like everyone else.

Maybe I'm analyzing it too much, but it's just a buzzkill to my Christmas joy whenever this song plays.

It's monotonous, it's depressing... it's just crap. What more can I say?

To remedy this, please enjoy a song about embracing differences and using them to help others... "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer." www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNGNq9…

#3 - "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"

Good Lord... speaking of depressing! Okay, this song just grates on my nerves. First off, it's overplayed to death on my radio station... but the other thing that annoys me about it is that it's just grim. It's about a murdering Santa who kills a sweet little old lady with his reindeer and sleigh... dear God!

This song creeped me out as a kid too, because I kept wondering why Santa was such a douche. He just hits the lady, and then leaves her to die in the snow. Good Lord! What did she ever do to him? She was just tipsy on eggnog... she didn't deserve to be murdered by jolly ol' Saint Nick.

Why is this song so well loved? Why? Do people really enjoy murder at Christmastime? I just don't get it...

Maybe it wouldn't have bothered me so much if it wasn't a sweet old lady getting offed by Santa.

To remedy this, please enjoy the much better parody of it. www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPn_69…

#2 - "The Chipmunks Christmas Song"

This song is annoying... I heard it too many times as a kid, and I still hear it too many times as an adult. It needs to leave. It's worn out its welcome...

The song isn't even good. It's just the Chipmunks talking about hula hoops and shit... big whoop. It's repetitive, it's annoying, and it just sucks.

Yet for some reason, people think this song is adorable and so sweet... yeah, listening to little sped up spawn voices squealing about Christmas while Dave shouts "Alvin!" over and over again is just precious! Now, I'm envisioning Dave beating that little turd until he shuts up... ah... lovely.

The Chipmunks really are old hat... nobody plays with hula hoops anymore. I think the Chipmunks just need to quietly die and stay dead. And this song emphasizes that...

To remedy this, please enjoy the timeless "Charlie Brown Christmas Song." www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hajwg6…

#1 - "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time"

OH. DEAR. LORD!! This song just hurts! It's painful to listen to... it's just painful. It has stupid lyrics, a stupid melody, and it lasts about three minutes too long.

No really, the lyrics suck... you could stick anything there and it would sound better. For example, I shall type out much better lyrics...

'This song is on...
You can't escape...
It never stops...
Your ears are raped...
Simply hearing a horrible Christmas song!' (repeat until you explode)

THERE! I wrote a song guys! Slap in an annoying keyboard and you got a hit single! Now, go play it everywhere you turn.

What's worse is that it was written and sung by a Beatle... A BEATLE!! And not just any Beatle, but Sir Paul - Friggin' - McCartney!

WHY!? OH WHY?? :iconbawwplz:

This is why Ringo's my favorite Beatle... he didn't make this level of shit. I salute you Ringo. :salute:

And what's even worse is that this song plays ALL THE TIME!! You'll be shopping, BOOM! It's there. You'll turn on your radio, BOOM! It's there. You go out to eat, BOOM! It's there. It will never leave you alone...

This song is shit... complete shit. And it should be killed with a million chainsaws. Shame on you Paul... you should've known better.

To remedy this shit, please enjoy a much better Beatle Christmas song. www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oIjVE…

Of course, I'm sure some people like these songs, and I'm sure some of you have your own least favorites...

Whatever your taste may be, we all have a favorite and a least favorite. And I hope you at least enjoyed reading this. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

And please, check out Nostalgia Chick's list too. It's lots of fun. thatguywiththeglasses.com/vide…

:bulletyellow::bulletyellow:
:bulletpurple::bulletpurple::bulletpink::bulletpurple:
:bulletpurple::bulletpurple::bulletpink::bulletpurple:
:bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen::bulletgreen:

And, in other news!

My group, Solid-Rose is having their first contest.

Please, click here for all the details. solid-rose.deviantart.com/blog…

Until there's more to say...

Add a Comment:
 
:icontrekkie-by-birth:
Trekkie-By-Birth Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011
FINALLY! Someone who DOSEN"T like 'grandma got run over by a reindeer' and 'santa baby' thoes songs have creeped me out for years O.o
huh, you reeeeally don't like glee do you :?
Reply
:iconporcelain-requiem:
Porcelain-Requiem Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Glee is High School Musical and Kidz Bop's love child... of course I hate it. :XD:

Those songs are just scary...
Reply
:icontrekkie-by-birth:
Trekkie-By-Birth Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011
ikr?
Reply
:iconangelstar3999:
angelstar3999 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011
Frankly I agree with whole Grandma got run over by a Reindeer being Creepy it play almost everywhere and now its use for creepy commercials... But the list was pretty cool. :D
Reply
:iconporcelain-requiem:
Porcelain-Requiem Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks. =)
Reply
:iconmimimaxwell:
MimiMaxwell Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011  Student Artist
I like Baby it's Cold Outside...It has such a sweet tune. XD
But thank god someone hates Last Christmas. It's makes me all KTHALWKJTHALKWJTH shaddup about your breakups! D:<
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:iconporcelain-requiem:
Porcelain-Requiem Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It has a sweet tune, but the lyrics are creepy.

Last Christmas is just pure drivel...
Reply
:iconaravelle:
Aravelle Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
WIN.

Except jingle bell rock needs to be on this list. XD
Reply
:iconporcelain-requiem:
Porcelain-Requiem Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sorry. I love that one... especially the instrumental version.
Reply
:iconladyoffellan:
LadyofFellan Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!! I work in a mall and it's been playing holiday songs since Halloween and every time My Favorite Things comes on I cringe. Not because I don't like it but because it's not a holiday song!! And then everyone I work with tries to argue with me about how it works. No, just no. I'm glad to know at least someone out there agrees with me!

We used to say My Two Front Teeth was my sister's Christmas song because she lost hers right before Christmas and they took about a year to grow back in. For two years in a row she didn't have them, so it makes me giggle and think of that. And the absurdity of asking for a hippo for Christmas also makes me giggle (this is also coming from someone who asked for a baby brother one year for Christmas so I'm like master of the slightly absurd requests. Little kids are funny that way. But then the song get tempered out by the fact that it's an adult singing, so I can see where you're coming from).

How you feel about "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime" is how I feel about "We Need a Little Christmas." >_< They play it at least once an hour at my work and somehow that's the one I always am able to hear. And the version they have features a lady with a very screechy voice singing so it's even worse!
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